"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
