News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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