saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize