oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
