dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
ugly people sure do ruin things
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
