i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
