Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
