I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
did you just send me my own nude
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
