just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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