I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
