i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
