literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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