My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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