Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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