where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
