My liver just broke up with me...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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