I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Never joke about your clitoris.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
