Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
