i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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