you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
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Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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