My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
