Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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