she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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