A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i now understand why vodka
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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