God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You made out with two different species that night
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
