Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
