Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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