We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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