I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
