I feel great
I just peed on a car
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
