go do what you do best...puke behind churches
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
