Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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