Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
