i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
