he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
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