My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
