and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
