By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
as a side note pls kill me
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
