barbara walters just said penis...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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