I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
