my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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