I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
