with your own penis?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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