We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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