I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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