Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
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Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
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I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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