Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
