Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
