I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
