when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
