Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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