I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
