only if we run a train.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother