Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
