I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.