I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.