You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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