How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.