Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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