your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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