they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
