does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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