I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
