You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
