So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
