the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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