i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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