If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
