Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
