trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
