Nicole vs. Life
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
