So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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