he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
