I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
