I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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