I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
