I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
When are your genitals available?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
