You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
