He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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