i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
