Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
