At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
