thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
