I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My dick has a subreddit
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
